Chapter -12:
...Letters...
Dear Indrakshi,
I know that it is a little
weird for me to write a letter to you but what I want to tell you wasn’t something
I could say over a call or text or in person with you actively listening while
I was speaking. I feel so wrong writing this but I have to. For my sake as your
best friend.
I don’t know how to put this
into words that’ll make it seem reasonable but I’m not the writer; you are. But
I’ll try my best. I know that you have been with Sawyer for a really long time
now but I just wanted you to know that I had liked you the way since
before he even came into the picture. I’m not trying to put him down when I say
that. I respect the relationship you have with him and he is a wonderful guy.
He can treat you the way you deserve and he is treating you that way. That’s
why I never said anything, because I knew that you weren’t with a bad person,
but rather quite the opposite. Remember when I told you that I had asked Jennie
out? On the night we were going back home from Twyla’s party? The day you met
Sawyer? I had looked at you with disappointment because I had hopes that you
would be jealous, with hopes that you felt the same. But now that I think about
it, when you showed me sympathy instead of jealousy was when I should’ve known.
You had asked me about what I considered ‘my type’ as you called it. “Someone quiet and not popular. Someone who isn’t afraid to speak her mind
and is willing to stand up for what she believes is right. Someone very clear
with her words, even if she’s being rude and knows exactly who she is.” These
were my exact words. They were a description of you. But you were modest and
you didn’t take the hint. And then you had started dating Sawyer. I knew that
you loved him by the way you interacted with him. That’s why I didn’t come in
between. You were happy and that’s where I wanted you to be. Then two months
later you made friends with Jennie. It was a nightmare for me when you had
brought her along for lunch. I thought that it was because you hoped that
something would spark between us. Even if that wasn’t your intention, you were
right. Jennie had asked me to be her date to the dance and I didn’t want to
look like a stupid fellow so I agreed. It turned out that she ended up loving
me. I love her too. But I had sort of learnt to. I still don’t have it in my
heart to tell her that I didn’t love her when I agreed to be her boyfriend,
because I do love her now. I just wanted this burden off of my chest.
Trust me when I say that I am not heartbroken at the thought of you not loving
me back then. I have found the love of my life that I was meant to be with.
Though I can never truly let go of my feelings for you, the joy of having Jennie
who loves me back is far more than what I needed in life. I may not have been
able to be your lover, it just wasn’t in my fate, but I got to be your best
friend, and that was more than what I wanted in this one life. I will cherish
the friendship you offered till the day I die, you should know that. Because
before you, I never had a best friend.
I wish you and
Sawyer a very happy life together with many fond memories and long beautiful
years to spend with each other. I will come to your wedding, there is no way
I’m going to miss that. I am happy to see you with the love of your life. Trust
me, I am.
Tell Sawyer thanks
from my end. I’m grateful that he is giving you the love you deserve. I am
happy for him. Happy that he got your love in return.
And I want you to hide
or throw away this letter after you finish reading it so that you can let go of
these words for good. I don’t want your love life to be miserable because of
one lover’s love that you could not and can not return. And please don’t tell
Jennie any of this, it would break her heart.
I’m grateful,
Indrakshi. Grateful that if not your lover, I got to be your best friend.
Gratefully, Theo.
I put my hand over my mouth as I read
the last line with tears in my eyes. I had no idea. I’ve heard enough to know
that one-sided love is heartbreaking for the one-sided lover. But there is
nothing I can do about it other than let it go. I fell in love with Sawyer, not
Theo. I feel so sorry for him, but there’s nothing I can do other than let go
of this. And that’s also precisely what Theo wants me to do. Sawyer pulls me in
for a hug. I quickly pull myself together and he says, “We had no idea.” I nod
and Sawyer hugs me tighter, he clearly isn’t mad or offended or jealous, rather
he feels the same way I do; sympathetic. Sawyer lets go and says, “This must’ve been
so hard for him,” I nod in agreement. Sawyer takes the letter, which is now
crumpled, in one hand and whips my wet cheek with the other. It makes me smile
through this shock. Sawyer tucks my hair behind my ear and then cups my cheek
in his hand. I put my hand over his, pull it down onto my lap and hold it. He
looks me in the eye when he says, “Look Indrakshi. I don’t want you to
completely let go of Theo for this. I want you to hold on to him as your best friend.
It doesn’t matter what was written in this letter, it was just something for
you to know not something you should bend your life for. I love you with all my
heart, and I promise that I’ll never let you feel sad about this ever again.
Theo is a great person, he willingly sacrificed what he had felt for you so
that you can be happy. No one is greater than that.”
I
smile. I knew that I loved him for a reason. He is so understanding. “You are a
great person, too. You understood his plight and didn’t get offended at what
you read but sympathised with it. It takes a really big heart to do that,” I
say. He smiles and pulls me in for the most meaningful hug he has ever given
me.
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